


Grief

by AllisonMikaelson



Series: Witch Sam and Samwena [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 11:23:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21270251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllisonMikaelson/pseuds/AllisonMikaelson
Summary: Sam mourns Rowena.





	Grief

**Author's Note:**

> Hey. I wrote this in class and did not read over it so it may not be very good. I think it's okay, though. Please like or leave a comment! Also I'm bad at titles sorry.

Rowena is gone. Rowena is gone, and Sam feels like he's drowning. 

Sure, they hadn't started on great terms, but they had become friends. Sam would even say she was one of the best friends Sam has ever had. And maybe, once or twice, he had thought of something more romantic. But he loved her either way, and they worked as friends. He was perfectly okay with being her friend. Happy even. He's not even slightly okay with this. Not okay with the memory of stabbing his friend stuck at the front of his mind. Seeing her walking to the hole, chest bloody and confidence unwavering. It feels like his world is falling apart. 

Sam looked away when Rowena dove into that stupid hole - didn't look as she sacrificed herself - but he still saw too much. It makes him think of Lucifer, of the cage and 1,000 years of torture, and the memory of his past trauma is the last thing Sam needs right now. 

He tries to push the thoughts out, or at the very least to the back of his mind. But no matter how hard he tries, Sam can't help thinking about it. Thinking about what happened to him. Thinking about what could be happening to Rowena. Right now. Right as he sits on his comfortable bed, safe and sound from the ghosts that she was selfless enough to return to Hell, even at the cost of her own life. Hes in a comfy bed while she could be enduring the same kind of torture that Sam remembers so, so vividly. No one deserves to go through anything like that. She doesn't deserve it. 

It's possible that she could just be dead and gone, moved on and not in Hell being tortured. Sam wishes he could believe that, could believe that things were that simple and they were that lucky. 

But Sam knows better. Maybe - if he lived in a world where Chuck actually cared for them and everyone Sam cares for didn't die - maybe he could believe. Maybe he could be hopeful. But in this world - in this cursed, pathetic, hopeless world - Sam knows better. He can't even pretend to be hopeful anymore. He can't have hope for anything anymore. The world is broken, and she's gone, and there's nothing Sam can do to fix it. 

Rowena is dead, and Sam has no doubt that she will be tortured for all of eternity. He so badly wishes it wasn't her. Wishes it was someone else, even if that someone was him. Even though returning to Hell is his literal worst nightmare. 

Sam knows it had to be her, that she was the only one around with the power to do it, but that doesn't make him feel better. It doesn't stop the fact that he'll be haunted by the image of her death for the rest of his life. He will never stop hating himself. Then again, what's one more person on the ridiculously long list of people he's lost?

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
